The Letter
by delen2000
Summary: I decided to play in Kerry’s world just a little longer.... This is a very loose sequel to The Dance, one doesn't have to have read it to understand this, and a prequel of sorts to the Race of Cain. I suggest that anybody who hasn’t read it to do so. It


A/N: I decided to play in Kerry's world just a little longer.... This is a _very loose _sequel to The Dance, one doesn't have to have read it to understand this, and a prequel of sorts to the Race of Cain. I suggest that anybody who hasn't read it to do so. It will make this make sense. I will refrain from actually introducing my own ideas here this is simply an extension of what I saw happening once I read Kerry's words. The only one who will ever know what was in those letters would be Kerry.

Chapter One

They never got to see one another. It was one of those things one just accepts and moves on, trying to do the best with what was given. Spock had come to terms with it, almost immediately, but it did not stop him from wishing for more. As it was, every letter he received from her and every short visit he was alloted, was taken with very ill concealed enthusiasm.

To the casual observer, Spock was just anxious to see his old friend again, to McCoy and Kirk, he was falling in love with Saavik. Everything was proper when they were onboard together. They maintained proper rooms, always well apart from each other on the few times she had leave. He would request leave as well, when he knew she was coming, something that had shocked McCoy and left Kirk in amused silence, happy for his friend. When they were together they were seen: in the Dining Room, eating together, playing chess (Human and Vulcan), and doing other diversions; in the Observatory, discussing the nearby planets and visible star systems; and in the Library, listening to music and discussing the Literature that was available on the shelves. If they were near a planet Spock would request shore leave, and they would embark on an adventure known only to themselves. As far as Kirk knew, Spock and Saavik, had not engaged in anything other then these harmless pursuits. There was only one biosign in each of their quarters at night, and they were rarely in the others quarters for a long enough period to justify such goings on as going on. Kirk thought that this was a shame.

When a position opened up on the Enterprise, with Saavik's qualifications, it was decided that it would be offered to her. It had been accepted and she was now on the _Aerfen_ on leave preparing for her transfer to the Enterprise. This is what made The Letter, as is was now known as, that much harder to endure.

Spock was walking to the lab when he was accosted by Kirk and McCoy. This was not unusual, but their jaunty spirits and quick banter, made Spock realize quickly that something was up. He slowed his pace and engaged in their pointless back and forth to discover the cause of it. He was most pleased when it turned out to be a letter from Saavik, even more so when he discovered that it was an actual hand written letter, on Vulcan parchment. With no real excuse, to go off privately to view the letter he instead turned discreetly away from the duo, and began to read the short epistle. He heard Jim use a nearby viewer to watch administrative tapes from Starfleet. He tuned out McCoy's opinions on this or that and concentrated on the letter before him.

Soon the three of them were staring at each other in disbelief. Admiral Cartwright had announced to Kirk that Saavik's placement had changed, at her request, and Spock held proof of that request in his left hand.

Never had Spock felt the need to sit down more in his life. He felt McCoy reach out and grab his arm in concern. Spock was sure it had everything to do with the blood draining from his face and the feeling of faintness he was experiencing. He leaned against the wall behind him and worked on his biosigns to get his traitorous body under control. Not the only traitorous thing Spock needed to work on apparently. His mind went over the words. How inappropriate the placement was, the dreaded subject of Genesis was again thrown out in the open, and at last her desire not to be in communication with him any longer. That crushed him more than anything. For fifteen years he had corresponded with her, and to have one person out there who knew him like she did and continued her support of him, lifted him up in ways he was unaware of until it had been cruelly jerked out from under him. He felt sick.

Kirk was about to ask stupid questions like, "What does it say?" and "Are you alright?" He swallowed that impulse though. It was more than clear what the letter had said and that his friend was most definitely not alright.

STARTREKSTARTREKSTARTREKSTARTREKSTARTREKSTARTREK

How he had come to be in his quarters he wasn't quite sure. That was a decided blur of McCoy insisting that he go and rest even as he half pulled half dragged him down the corridor to his rooms. Kirk had trailed behind, murmuring things that Spock couldn't have repeated if his life depended on it. There was an awkward pause inside his quarters, as both men tried to politely give comfort, but still escape quickly to let Spock have his privacy, and then they were gone. He was sitting in his chair, at his desk. He wasn't quite sure when that had occurred either. He suddenly realized his control had slipped abominably, the shock was quite visible upon his face and in his actions. Also, he noticed his use of the word _quite_. He was using it a lot. It was running through his mind endlessly, reminding him of an eleven year old girl who had picked up the word and had decided to use it over and over in the course of a thirty-six hour period. "Spock, is that _quite_ done?", "Are you _quite_ done with that?", and "This is _quite _hard to do." being among the throng of uses for the word.

He sighed and lifted himself out of the chair and made his way over to the large viewer on the wall. Next to that is a large cabinet that he opened by pressing a button on the wall. It slid back to reveal disk after disk, arranged neatly and categorized in chronological order. Every one of her letters she had ever sent were stored here. In one stack were her school days, another held her Starfleet years, another her postings at various ships and other posts, and most recently a stack for when they had become very close. Propped up next to this, were actual parchment letters, five in all - six if he counted The Letter in his hand. He stared at them for a while and then turned to light his meditation candles around the room. He didn't bother changing. He sat down immediately and attempted to meditate and found he failed.

Very deliberately, he stared at the flame of the candle, and without blinking, raised the edge of the parchment to the flame. It caught and smoked. In alarm, Spock told the computer to ignore the smoke, it was part of an exercise. He gave his codes and the computer did not turn on the sprinklers. He could not think of a worse situation then to be homeless for the night and wet as well. He laid the paper onto a fire proof plate that also held a candle and watched it burn to ash.

He then got up and extinguished the candles, one by one, and shut the cabinet door. He couldn't bring himself to destroy or get rid of those. That would be too much.

He went to bed, tomorrow he would be able to think this through. Today was asking for too much.


End file.
